I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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