I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
