if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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