My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize