You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
