It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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