Pregnant stripper...not hot.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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