Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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