i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
