hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize