yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
