Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
