Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
