I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
