Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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