How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
