Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
