u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
