I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
