I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
