the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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