just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
