Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
