She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
