I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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