I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
