went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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