i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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