return my video game
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
