Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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