Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
