I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
