I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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