oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
