Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
