When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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