New low: just hacked my moms facebook
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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