You're my little dorito
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
