I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bring me that man meat
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
