Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
