i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
