nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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