I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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