My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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