she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
