Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
