Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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