it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
