i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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