can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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