Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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