in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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