he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
