At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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