I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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