I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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