And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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