did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
