so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
