I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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