also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
