I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
