I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
