It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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