Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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