Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
