I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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