What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
