He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They took my balls.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
