Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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