you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
